News Flash: Civility is Running Out!

“Three things in human life are important: The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind, and the third is to be kind.” ~ Henry James

 Several years ago I attempted an entire year of Civility; using kind words, not rolling my eyes at offensive people and generally trying to smile more.  It went pretty well for that year, but in the years since I think I may be forgetting my sense of civility again, so I think I am going to round out the end of 2017 trying hard to be more civil.   I’m not getting any younger you know and each day takes us all closer to a one-on-one conversation with our Creator and I would really like to have my act together better before that happens.  So I am going on a journey of Civility.  I still intend on watching the news which for me is a huge temptation to be uncivil. (how come are there so many people doing horrible things in the world?) and still drive my car which is probably the fastest way I lose my civility. 

But I have noticed lots and lots more incivility in our society taking hold and even worse, people shooting each other, killing, hurting others.  People, we need to start somewhere and that place is God; praying for each other and ourselves to stop the anger and violence.   We need to pray for kindness.

The definition of a kindness also means being civil. Usually we think of an act of kindness as being something special we do someone, bake cookies, give them a ride. But an act of kindness can also mean not doing something, like telling a person off when they have insulted us.

  Being civil is like Jesus telling us to turn the other cheek. We’re not setting ourselves up for abuse, we are just trying to give the other person the benefit of the doubt. The benefit that maybe they are having a really bad day and don’t mean to take it out on us. The benefit that they are mad at someone else they can’t ream out and we were just in the target.  Maybe our peacefulness can help them.  Being civil means we have to stop and think about our words, instead of striking out in an emotional barrage of anger and hurt.

   We aren’t exactly trained for that in our society. In our world of social media, instant messaging, quick on the draw call anyone, text and report or video tape anyone doing almost any bad behavior, sometimes our quickness leaves little room for discretion.  And being civil means having a sense of discretion that what we are about to say, write or do will possibly last forever, if not on the airwaves, paper, at least in someone else’s mind and heart.  So, just like the quote above, we need to remember to be kind, be kind again, and just in case, be kind some more. 

 And pray for our world and God’s people in it.  It works you know.


Egad, this is going to be harder than I thought! Being civil doesn't have any rewards...besides not making a jerk out of yourself, receiving harsh looks when you forget to be civil and hold your tongue, oh and that march to confession...

Just today, only 4 days into my new resolve to keep my mouth shut I'm plagued with the desire to spit out, "You moron!" to the driver in front of me driving 10 MPH in a 35 MPH and then just as I calmly think, I'll just move over into the next lane - see aren't I being civil, for not yelling, or even thinking a nasty thought,  this driver pulls into the next lane just as I moved over forcing me to once again brake hard and not hit them.

sigh....am I going to make it 361 more days????? The world is against me on this!!!!!

(and I hear you snort!!! )

Apparently it's a little known aspect of today's society where people treat each other like they want to be treated!

Civility is treating people with manners and decorum even if they don't act that way. It's smiling when you feel like yelling at them, it's saying please and thank you to people who don't.

Walking In One Another's Shoes Part Two

I love finding quotes. They have a way of summing up my thoughts...This year will be my "Walking In One Another's Shoes" year to improving my relationships with others.  We begin:


What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. 
Oliver Wendell Holmes

Some people say chocolate is their weak point.  I say chocolate is my strong point.
 Dolly Madison, 1811

The sun shines not on us but in us.
 John Muir


From "Everyday Success.com"

"We are practiced at putting on a good front.  It makes it easier for those around us.  We also expect a game face from others.  When that face isn’t there or it seems out of synch with our world, we don’t always take the time to wonder what it’s like to walk in their shoes.  We know what the world expects to see in terms of demeanor and we do it.
People can appear so put together, so on top of life.  We can’t imagine that anything could intrude on seeming perfection.  That's not how it works.  Life’s challenges confront us all.  Many amongst us courageously carry a burden while also carrying on with life.  We cannot know whether the person seated next to us has shoes lined in velvet or nails.  We cannot know.  Nor do we need to know.
Especially today, in our sometimes topsy-turvy world, leading with compassion and acceptance can change the course of human encounter.  It's not necessary for us to know a life story before we offer a warm smile and a kind word or gesture."

Changing one’s attitude is not faking it.  Changing one’s attitude is deciding how we want to live our life and then making it happen.  As Maya Angelou so wisely said, “If you don’t like something, change it.  If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”

In life, attitude is everything.  Attitude decides whether we greet the day with joy or with the blahs.  Attitude decides how our family, our friends, our boss and our coworkers perceive us.
It is not the result of circumstance.  It is not genetically predetermined.  Attitude is in our control, we are in charge of our attitude.  Attitude is a choice we make all day, every day.  Attitude is not a habit though attitude can become habit

Walking In One Another's Shoes

     We begin a new year and with it all kinds of resolutions.  While lots of us will pick resolutions to lose weight or get better at exercising or eliminating a bad habit, some of us will work on being a better person; maybe not getting angry so much or losing our patience.  While these are all good things to work on, I would suggest one more resolution; this one actually much harder than shedding a few pounds or watching our mouth in the car.  This resolution is to stop and look at how we judge others in our daily lives.

     Oh it begins innocently enough, we see someone having a really bad day and losing their calm and peace and we think, I’ll never be that bad. Or it’s bashing another person’s viewpoints on social media, maybe even calling them out about their opinion.  But I would ask you to do this. Put yourself in that person’s shoes.  Have you lived their life? Have you experienced the burdens they are struggling with on a daily basis?  We are all very unique individuals, we have millions of variations in our DNA, but one thing we share is the ability to be compassionate.  Compassion helps us forgive others when they hurt us.  Compassion comes from being able to ‘walk in someone else’s shoes,” to stop and think maybe that person hasn’t had the positive reinforcement we have received or has experienced a life changing negative event that can never be changed and they are still reeling from the result. 

     You know what? It’s hard to be that other person. It’s hard to live their life, but we must grant other people their opinions and ways of doing things out of respect.  Of course it would work a whole lot better if they would respect us.  It’s hard to smile and not scream when your mother-in-law critiques everything you do with your first newborn child.  “Why can she not remember what it was like to be young and nervous?”

     It’s hard to laugh off someone’s sarcastic remark about your first Thanksgiving dinner attempt.  It’s hard to walk in someone else’s shoes.

    But until we do walk in their shoes, think about what they may be living with on a day to day basis, we’ll keep saying nasty things about them. We’ll keep making insensitive comments on Facebook or not thinking how that other person may perceive us leaving them out.  Until we try to see what other people are struggling with in their lives, we’ll never be nice people.

    So, let’s begin.  Let’s not assume everyone is out to get us; let’s not assume that person who wants to do things their own way is ignoring our help because they don’t like us. Let’s stop assuming everyone has a life just like ours and understands everything we like or don’t like. Let’s try to look at what they are dealing with too and not just expect them to understand what we are dealing with.

   Put on those other shoes and walk…