Tuesday, July 29, 2014

I Love My Kids...

I miss my daughter being so far away, and I know she and her hubs are making a wonderful life for themselves. But sometimes I'm reassured that "there's no place like home!"
From my daughter's blog: " La Goes Domestic "

It’s been two and a half years since moving to California. We’ve found a nice apartment that suits us, for the most part for now, though we dream of (and are jealous when we hear of friends/family with) a house with a yard and no crazy neighbors stomping or slamming or yelling etc. We have the cutest dog on the planet (who is cute or else he’d be…well, let’s just say it’s a good thing he’s cute), who we adopted at a local pet store just over a year ago. We’ve made some amazing friends, a fun variety of people. We’ve seen a lot of the cool areas of CA and know we still have  an endless list of other places here to explore. I quit a secure job where I felt I did an excellent job to start my own business, with the limited connections here and business knowledge I possess, yet with help it’s going fairly well. I just got asked to be vice-president of a networking group I’m in because they like my leadership and energy. We hustle, bustle, and keep quite busy, and are settling in as well as could be expected. We smile and laugh a lot.
And yet, days like today, I can’t help but admit, I wish I was home. I need a hug from my momma, a laugh and ever-encouraging word from my dad, an inside joke shared with my siblings, a goofy shot and dancing with my old friends, a drive on a back road with my windows down, chilling out with my extended family who is so good for my soul, to go to mass in the church I grew up in, a night out on the deck with a cold beer and just the sound of cicadas.
Maybe it’s Silicon Valley that drives you a little kooky, maybe it’s because I’ve just become too type A/OCD/controlling, who knows…but somedays, I feel like I just can’t quiiiiiiite hold it all together anymore. And that leads to crying at silly things like that I dropped an entire head of lettuce on the floor where the dog just trekked his muddy paws. Or feeling like I’m failing at everything and don’t know what I’m doing and wanting to just admit defeat and eat an entire pint of Chunky Monkey in bed.
Maybe that feeling never goes away. I think I’m truly realizing there never will be a place like home. And that while I love my life and the adventures and road we are on, I’ll always need home. And I’ll always need the reminder that, you’re not supposed to hold it all together all the time, no matter how badly you want to. And yeah, yeah, they always TELL you that growing up, but come on, we all think we can handle it all and be 100% at everything (because we’re also told THAT growing up). And then I remember Mrs. Payne telling us in 5th grade how we will sometimes just cry at silly things because we’re girls (human, whatever), or my mom telling me my art project really DOES look great, I don’t need to redo it for the 500th time, it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine. My dad telling me I shall not be Marsha Brady, I cannot do everything, and must guard my heart. I need to remember that. And I need to remember that I have needs. And those needs matter, and always will.

“If this world makes you crazy
And you’ve taken all you can bear
Just call me up, because you know I’ll be there”

And now, I need a glass of wine and a reminder that, I am doing all right.


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